It follows you.
It hollows you.
Somehow, a void is left that must be filled.
This blog is going to be a little bit different. Usually I speak from a "we" standpoint, but this time, not so much. This time, I have things to say.
About this time last night, I was watching the news report in which President Barrack Hussein Obama officially announced the death of terrorist leader Osama Bin Laden. Alot of people rejoiced. I rejoiced. He is dead. But then he is also doomed to hell. For treason against his fellow human citizens in the realm of the King. And he cannot return.
I will confess. I hated him. I wished him dead. And I didn't feel remorse. In retrospect, that was stupid. There have been a lot of people who have deserved death (ie: all of us) and not gotten it that I've hated and not hated. He just so happened to do a TON of damage and capture worldwide attention. He hurt a lot of people. I wanted revenge. We all wanted revenge. The balance had to be set. The void had to be filled.
But no void has been filled.
In my own personal life, I've had a vengeance complex of my own that I've been trying to shake. Someone screwed me over. Someone hurt me. Ripped my heart out and left me bleeding and wondering why again and again. Left pain like shards of glass in my chest from a wreckage. What was wrong with me? Did I do something? What about me was so utterly terrifying or disgusting or repulsive or outright evil that I should be put through this, laying aside general sin and specific hellish consequence? Was I to blame? Did I do this to... um... let's call them... "Janet"? Did I do that to her at some point? Did I make Janet feel worthless and unimportant somehow? I want SO EXCRUCIATING BADLY for her to feel every ounce of hell I've been through because of the questions I've been asking. And yet I want SO EXCRUCIATINGLY BADLY to say it was my fault because then I don't have to be angry, and I can take the fall for what I deserve. The thing is that I don't know. I don't know. I just DON'T KNOW.
But the thing about hate is that it only reproduces itself. When hate is directed from one source to its target, it recreates itself in its new host. It's exactly like a virus. It requires a strong host to sap strength from. Revenge happens as a result of hate. Hate takes away. Revenge takes back what has been taken away and then takes everything away from the source of hate. Everyone else sees this happen, then directs their revenge and/or hate upon the vengeful. It's a sick cycle that is hard to break. Unless you opt out of life. After all, if you don't exist there's nothing in THIS world you will have to deal with anymore. I'm not advocating suicide. There is a better way.
In one hand I have the option to hate and destroy. In the other I have the option to give up and be destroyed.
But what about life? What about all those good things that want back? Do we have to destroy others for that end? REALLY?
If the Bible is true and contains the words of Jesus Christ who is THE way, THE truth, and THE life, there is a third option. The Bible says that all things consist BY Him and FOR Him. Good. Evil. It all exists to glorify Him. We magnify Him by the fact that in obedience we existed at His command. By falling, we see how big He is and how He loves us enough to die. Not because He is a sicko who wants to be seen, but simply because of the fact that HE IS the ONE who can sustain us and be hope in the midst of shadows. That means that everything He let fall away from us and hate us is still held together by Him, and if He decides that we need that lost thing back, He will bring it back. We just have to be alive and fight for it. And what if it's not meant to come back to us? Like the song by Needtobreathe, "We were born to embrace, not accept it," which implies that life is hard, but if we keep holding on, God will bring us somewhere unexpected and wonderful if we trust in spite of our doubts. And we can doubt the heck out of Him and anyone else. That doesn't make us right. That doesn't make us self-sustaining gods. That doesn't mean that we automatically have the right to take what isn't ours. How did you like it when something was taken from you as a kid? Every time we lose a toy, a game, a fight, a job, a friend, a life, to sin, to pain, to evil, to ignorance, to disease, to death, to WHAT EVER. WE HATE LIFE A LITTLE MORE. WHY? WHAT DOES THIS ACCOMPLISH??
Things are gonna stink a lot. That's life.
Things will work out. That's God.
There are always two options, right?
I drop what I hold and I press on towards the Son of God.
Why are we still killing ourselves with our own vengeance? is there a way? is there an alternative beside hate and self destruction?
Jesus. Help us.